


"Unhand Jimmy Onion, you fiend!"

by ssa_archivist



Category: Smallville
Genre: Alternate Universe, Established Relationship, Futurefic, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-07-05
Updated: 2004-07-05
Packaged: 2017-11-01 08:05:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/354154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ssa_archivist/pseuds/ssa_archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clark helps Lex set up his lab</p>
            </blockquote>





	"Unhand Jimmy Onion, you fiend!"

**Author's Note:**

> Why yes, I am twelve. _Now_ , can I get on the bus half price? 

## "Unhand Jimmy Onion, you fiend!"

by Shropshire

[]()

* * *

Disclaimer: Smallville does not belong to me. But 'Super'Loupe; the Early Years' is hitting your screens soon... 

Series: Third in the vague and accidental Cantaloupe series of shorts. Reading "Of Juice and Justice" and "They saved Dr. Aubergine's brain!" is not necessarily going to assist comprehension of the following, but it _will_ reduce your life expectancy. 

* * *

"Clark, what the hell is that and what is it doing in my lab?" 

"It's a sort of...decoration. The place was so dull and impersonal" 

" 'You don't have to be a Mad Scientist to work here, but the brains won't transplant themselves'? 

Oh damn. 

It's fallen irretrievably into the rubbish bin." 

"Hmph. You have no sense of humour, Lex. Here, at least put your coat on." 

"Clark, much though I appreciate your one hundred percent support in my career change, I am _not_ going to wear a white lab coat with a fluffy bunny motif- where did you even _get_ one with a bunny motif?-and sleeves that come halfway down my hands. See?" 

"But they make you look all cute." 

"They dangle in the bunsen burners. First degree burns are not cute. Besides, I don't _do_ cute." 

"Am I cute?" 

" _You_ ' _re_ cute. You're damn cute. You possibly define the word." 

"Well then. You do do cute." 

"Ah. True. Right here and right now, if you like." 

Mmm....yeah, that's..." 

"...ga...k... _whoa_..." 

"Just a bit to th...Yeow!" 

"Unhand Jimmy Onion, you fiend!" 

"Lex?!" 

"Clark?...What just bit me in a delicate area? Because, unless you have teeth someplace even aliens shouldn't have teeth..." 

"You know, that should disgust me, but I think I'm actually even more horny...Oh. You rolled on this." 

"Don't tell me..." 

"I, er, thought I'd brighten up your desk. They're very collectable. Were." 

"A fully posable talking Super'Loupe action figure. With razor sharp cape." 

"Well, you're not meant to do _that_ to them..." 

"Clark, I'm actually touched. Sore, but touched. Wow, and you got a Dr. Aubergine limited edition with his Vegemite-Enhanced Blender! 

"At least _they_ escaped your Buttocks of Crushing Doom." 

"Clark, I sincerely hope you're going to rethink that last statement." 

"Lex...what are you doing with that blender...?" 

"Just seeing where best it would fit...in my laboratory." 

"Lex, stay back...Okay, okay, I'm sorry. I fully retract any and all aspersions I may have cast on your posterior." 

"Hmm..." 

"Lex, I worship your buttocks." 

"Okay." 

"Now, lets...oh. Damn." 

"Trouble?" 

"I think so. God, Lex, screaming... Gotta go." 

* * *

"Well, Doc. Just you and me. Let's try to fix the melon, eh? 

What? Yeah, he's a pain in the ass, sometimes.But you'd feel wrong without him, right?" 

"Oh god. I'm talking to plastic. How _do_ you do a brain transplant, anyway?" 


End file.
